A Drop in the Ocean

It's just a drop in the ocean,
A change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together. 
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert, 
But I'm holding you closer than most, 
For you are my heaven.- Ron Pope
   Another song about love graces my ears, a peaceful yet earnest song with a catchy chorus and a decent singer. Here the artist is longing for his lover, and telling her that though the leaves change his love won't, however impossible it may seem. The impossibility is best understood when one considers his analogy, the likeliness of rain in the desert.

    I went to the desert in Israel. There it is. It is dry, it is hot, and it almost never rains.
   The desert tests you. God led Israel into the desert to test their faith. What was his strategy of conquering the promise land? It was having a people wander for forty years, and  then watch their parents perish from disobedience, and doing so for the children to learn the centrality of trusting in God alone for salvation and sustenance. God doesn't want strong people. He wants weak people, people who acknowledge that their throat grows dry when they wander the desert, and people who know that as assuredly as God can provide physical sustenance, so can He also provide spiritual sustenance. Spiritual sustenance actually superceeds physical sustenance.
        When Jesus was tempted by the devil in the Gospels, he was driven into the wilderness pictured above. Like the Israelites, God tested Him. The passage took on new meaning when I visited to Israel and observed that this desert was not the Sahara, where all you see is sand. This is the Judean Wilderness, where all you see is rock. When the devil asked if Jesus would turn "these stones" to bread, he wasn't asking if Jesus could take the one or two stones peeping out of the sand and have a little snack. No, he was tempting Jesus to literally turn this rocky land into mountains and wadis (valleys) of bread, providing so much food, that-frankly, if I was Jesus, I would of done it. Jesus spent forty days without food and was convinced that He only needed God to preserve His life. He countered the devil by saying "It is written, 'Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.'"
       In our first day in the desert, our class for our Israel trip focused on God's words from Psalm 23, analyzing it bit by bit. This is a desert Psalm, because it is a shepherd Psalm, and shepherds have always found their home in the desert. I learned that the green pastures referred to in the Psalm are not the lush, endless, humid meadows of New England, but rather the the sprig on the cliff, and the bush in the ravine, the little food that sheep will eat to stay alive as they wander the dry land. God leads us beside this still waters and green pastures to restore us, but they are not necessarily full of excess. Our food is enough to keep us going for the day. The paths of righteousness that God takes us are through the valley of the shadow of death, but He is with us every step. Our hope is not that we are free of problems, but that we have a good shepherd who comforts us, provides for us, keeps us walking, and in the end will welcome us into His house for eternity!
      I learned a lot in Israel, and this one place is just a drop in the ocean of my experiences and the vastness of truth in the Bible. However, this region stuck out to me like the dandelion did to the rhinos and Sid in Ice Age. I always need to trust my savior, even in times of plenty. There, in the desert, I was challenged to accept that Jesus satisfies, more than Snickers (and that is saying something). Psalm 63:5 says, "My soul shall be satisfied with marrow and fatness, and my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips." Jesus can restore my weary soul, not just my cracked lips.
         If you are in a desert, savor the drops of water God gives you. Accept the change of weather. Wish and pray for rain, but be faithful if it doesn't come for some time. Trust Christ more than anything, and look forward to heaven where there will not be the longing of the desert, but the fulfillment of His eternal presence. Follow the good shepherd (John 10:11)!

 

Javier Colon singing "A Drop in the Ocean"

-I prefer his version and voice to Ron Pope's.

The Greatest Thing That I Saw Last Summer

I made the decision seven months ago to work at a Christian Camp in Maryland.  When the time, I packed up, left home, and drove to a warmer place.  There Christians flocked in swarms, like gnats at light poles.  There I served as a day-camp counselor, and had countless positive interactions with children and co-workers.  I would not exchange the experience for anything. 
    Something greater happened.  The staff would meet once a week for a night of worship.  I occasionally went, as this was at night, at the end of a long day (which was every day).  There was one night that I walked down to the old, white Chapel building.  I entered late, and noticed that it was not the usual format of rowed seating.  Instead, cushions and pillows were spread across the ground, and people sat upon them.  The light was low.
   We had a meaningful time of repentance and confession with the opportunity to fight, write, then light our sins on paper, and watch them burn with a flame and turn to ash.  I participated in a similar exercise during training camp for my missions trip, which was a turning point in my life, frankly.  The powerful visual demonstartion was not meaningless, but something greater came.  Morgan, the summer staff coordinator, introduced the next activity, which was a foot washing ceremony.  Slowly people, mostly couples or close friends, rose up and glided over to the small line-up of chairs with bowls of water in front of them.  I looked about nervously, knowing I had not made any friends close enough to be willing to symbolically sacrifice/serve them.  If it was with a guy, it would be akward.  If it was with a girl, it would be suggestive.  Furthermore, I am very self-conscious in worship.  This would be an out-of-order act for me. I closed my eyes and prayed, keeping a solemn composure to fit with the mood of the assembly.
   I eventually looked up and around.  Morgan was kneeling on the ground, holding the foot of his wife who sat on the chair.  I know not what drew my eye in such a mezmerizing manner, but my heart instantly snapped in twain.  I saw an act of selfless love.  What was meaningful was not merely the act, but the manner in which it was accomplished.
     I know little about their past, only that it has been rough.  Morgan said that if he ever met Megan's dad, there would be-I can't remember his words, but imagined Morgan (an ex-football player) beating the living daylights out of a wicked person, or at the very least warding him off with a shotgun.  In a way, Morgan was Megan's savior, or deliverer from her brutal (or at least unjust) past.
    As Morgan bent his knee and washed her feet, emotion simply overcame Megan.  She wept ceaslessly, with head bowed.  She was speechless.  With measured steadiness and care, Morgan washed those delicate feet with his large hands, containing his emotions.  When he was done, the white towel caressed them once more.
   Morgan draped his arms over her and began to whisper into her ear.  I didn't hear the words, but I could conjure them in my mind, "I am doing this because I love you completely and wholly for who you are.  You are my only beloved, and I will treasure you as long as I live.  Do you know that?  Do you trust me?"
   Morgan's graceful head of hair nodded in acknowledgement.  This was too much.  I had tried so hard to behold this miraculous event, but my tears clouded my eyes and I buried my head in my knees. 
   An arm reached around my back and clutched my shoulder.  I heard a girl's voice begin to pray.  I knew her; she was a blessing.  She probably thought I was struggling with sin, while it was just the opposite: I was struggling with grace.  But she prayed honestly and generically for me and my situation.  I blessed her and thanked God.  There is comfort in discovering that others actually care about you. 
 ..............................
   This is the miracle- that God loved me in my unworthiness; he saved us and will make the church his bride (Rev. 19:7).  He said, "I am doing this because I love you completely and wholly for who you are.  You are my only beloved, and I will treasure you as long as I live."  He asks, "Do you know that?  Do you trust me?"  I struggle with sin every day.  I forget who I am.  I forget whose I am. 
     But God has washed my feet.  He has called us friends.  He has gone and left the Holy Spirit to testify to us, be with us, and guide us. 
    For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
(Romans 5:6-8 ESV)

Once again, Tenth Avenue North has a song for this entitled Beloved in Over and Underneath
http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=JCBF9CNU
Blessings,
Andrew

The Disciplines in Retrospect

The semester is over.  Today I turn in three essays and take my final final exam.  I get in a car, travel East and then take a long train home. I will receive a final grade for this class. I will probably never see some of the people from this class again.  When I return I will have new professors, classes, and classmates, and in the further future, this class will be only a letter on a report card on my transcript.  Will it have made a difference in my life?
   Well you have learned a thing or to about me and probably know that everything I do I believe has purpose.  Of course this class will matter.  The questions are: how? why? For whom?  My professor gave us a list of six reflection questions that help me see how I have responded to the disciplines, and how they might benefit others.  Saddle up, we got some questions to answer.
   1. Foster says spiritual disciplines are not designed to be ends in themselves, but are intended to facilitate a person's journey into grater freedom in living a Christ-like life.  How did your practice of the disciplines this semester (either some in particular or all together) help you grow in your faith in and obedience to God? 
           These disciplines challenged me in many ways to be more intentional in my walk and to glorify God by being active inseeking Him in a variety of ways. 
      One of the ways in which I grew in obedience was through submission.  I had several applications for discipline to my life, but the greatest one was through submistting to my authorities.  I recieved back a paper with a grade with which I was not content.  I struggled to submit to the authority of my teacher.  I did nonetheless, and have resolved the situation by appealing to higher authority, but I have come to realize that I am beholden to some, and that obedience to God means obedience to those whom God places over you. 
    I have also learned obedience through surrender in the discipline of fasting.  I discovered the Biblical mandate for fasting, and had one of my first, full experiences with the discipline.  It was one of the things that I have not had in my life, and that God expects of Christians.
   Perhaps in general God has challenged me to take my relationship with him more seriously through the disciplines collectively.  There are many different ways to worship/experience God, and I have seen the value in each.  Some work better for me; some are very challenging.  I feel like these practices have given my life more direction in how to live a holy life of obedience 
2. What were some of the distractions or hindrances that kept you from practicing or practing to the fullest, the assigned disciplines this semester? What does this show you about yourself? How do you plan to address this area (or these areas of struggle)
   I found that the major barriers to my practice of discipline were my business, silence, my laptop, daydreaming, and sin in general.  First, I found that I was busy.  As reflected in a lot of my posts, I did not thoroughly practice the discipline as would have been ideal. It was difficult for me to remember to do things throughout the week for this class, as opposed to a set assignment.  As often happens in my life, other things got in the way of my focus on God.
  Silence was another barrier to the disciplines.  The day that I practiced a day of total silence, I both loved it and hated it.  I loved it because I felt free from wasting words; I hated it because I was not free from wasting thoughts.  I struggled to control my thought life, especially during this time where I felt almost ruled by my thoughts.     
   Facebook.  It is an icon for the various distractions that are found on the internet.  It used to be a part of my day, every day, sometimes for a lot of the day.  As of today, I have fasted from Facebook for one week.  So here I am applying one of the spiritual disciplines I just learned to correct this area of weakness in my life and find time for  the priorites God has given me and avoid distractions. 
   Daydreaming has been another stumbling block for me in the spiritual disciplines, as it has been in all of my life.  Especially in disciplines like prayer and meditation, I struggled to stay focused on God.
  Finally, the ever-persistent struggle of the Christian with sin has nagged upon my soul, especially during the disciplines.
In failing at the disciplines we practice them.  I feel like I struggled practicing the disciplines for different, but that struggle part of the discipline, not distinct from it, in that in embodying this attitude for a set period of time I could see how it could transform my life, and my short-comings.  As I said in my Worship blog, "Some of these pitfalls can be corrected by a change in scheduling, others go deep into my attitude and heart intentions." 
3. Identify three disciplines you think mesh togetgher well and explain how you see them interrelating. How would you plan to practice them together?
 Three disciplines that mesh well are prayer, fasting, and meditation.  Throughout the Bible, prayer and fasting are found together, and God uses them to accomplish great things.  At the same time, meditation is an act of being filled with God's spirit.  What better time to seek fulfilment than when you are empty, phyiscally, from food, and can nurture your soul's longing with a focus on God?  Sure, being hungry might be a distraction from prayer and meditation, but one can the use the time to practice denying the desires of the flesh, and thus leanrning to chose which longings to satisfy.
      Fasting has various purposes (Whitney 156-170): to strengthen prayer, seek God's guidnace, to express grief, to invoke the presnece of God, to express repentance and return to God, to seek self-humbling, and to show show concern for the work of God.   Fasting also comes in handy in Spiritual warfare and is effective in helping one ward off temptation.  It is a way that we reorder our priorities (Prince, 176) and focus on the kingdom of God.
4. Identify one discipline you would urge a new believer to practice.  How would you ionstruct them ion the discipline? Why do you think thsi disciop;ine is especially well-suited to the formation of a new believer?
 The discipline that I would recommend for a new believer would be fasting.  All of the disciplines are wonderful and important as means to glorify God.  However, for a new believer, fasting is so--well-maybe unappetizing.  That's the point.
   I think a new believer gets a taste of most of the disciplines in some form or another when they start to hang out with Christians, learn about the Christian life, and go to church.  However, fasting is perhaps the most overlooked of the spiritual disciplines.  More importantly, fasting provides a venue in which to practice the other disciplines.  When we are fasting, we are prone to worship the God who provides all things, humbled to confess our sins, calmed to meditate, focused to pray, dedicated to want to study, silenced to listen to God, and humbled to submit to His will.
    Weakness.  When we fast (let's say for the time being from food) we become weak.  Our body is processing less calories, thus making less enegry, thus making us more tired.  We don't have as much strength as a fully fed body.  As Romans says, "For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly"(Romans 5:6 ESV).  We often connect with God best at times of weakness. 
The new believer can experience first-hand the kind of commitment that it takes to be a Christian.  Not that this is legalism, but on the contrary, fasting is a discipline that is hard to fake.  One can pretend or half-heartedly pray or worship (not saying that new Christian would be more prone to this than I am).  Fasting is merely a unique and powerful experience that serves many purposes for the Christian, and lets them behold the power of God in transforming them and answering prayers.
5. Spiritual disciplines fortify believers against some of the universal struggles and weaknesses all Christians have battled against.  Identify and secribe an area of weakness you observe in the Kuyper College student population. What spriual discipline, if corporately practiced, would target this area of weakness and why?
    It is difficult to say what weaknesses the Kuyper College community has, for different habits of living foster different attitudes in people, and different backgrounds of people from different faiths have different priorities.  However, I will audaciously address two areas.
       1. Addictions.  It seems like most people have some kind of addiction or another.  If you bring the topic up in honest (and perhaps private) conversation, you would be surprised what some people would say.  Addictions can be as harmlessly looking as Facebook.  They can be as 'necessary' as overeating.  They can be 'innocent' as gossip.  They can be as 'strong' as pride.  They can be as seductive as lust, as paralyzing as fear, as busy as anxiety, and as forgotten as loneliness.  Two things are true.  We are not alone in our addictions, and we are not justified in our addictions.
         What do we do?  What do I do?  First, I will say what one doesn't do with an addiction-nothing.  Complacency is almost as bad as feeding the addiction.  Two things must take place.  We must turn away from our sin and turn to God.  This begins by recongnizing our sin.
    Logically, the discipline to utilize is confession.  God has given it as the means whereby we acknowledge His power in our lives and give Him our sin.  We cannot bear it, and He has died that we may be free from it. "For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery" (Galatians 5:1 ESV).  Christ has already set us free from sin (John 8:36).  We must however, confess our sin when we fall, expecting forgiveness (I John 1:9).  We need Christ to forgive and cleanse us (see Ps. 51).  One of my favorite lines from a song (among many) is by Tenth Avenue North: "In me, Oh Lord can you create a pure heart because I'm afraid that I just might run back to the things that I hate."  As we struggle in a love-hate relationship with our sin, God has an unconditional love for us (see Ps. 103: 17, Is. 54:8, and Jer. 31:3).  That should be an encouragement.

    2.  Idleness.  I will re-quote one of my favorite quotes from Foster this semester, "Now when I speak of mind pollution I am not thinking only of 'bad' books, films and so on, but of mediocre books and films.  You see unless we set before ourselves a 'habitual vision of greatness' we will surely degenerate" (Foster, 93).  This was cited from the discipline of study.  America is ruled (speaking of addictions) by a spirit of anti-intellectualism, not only in academics, but also in thorough study of the Bible.
     I mean not to mock any of my friends but be blunt.  I have often been criticized for passing-over social events, entertainment, or other distractions for the sake of my schoolwork.  I am called now in my life to be a student!  So is everyone else at grade school, college, or above who is reading this.  That calling is from God.  Our weakness is in that we are not embracing it in heart and soul.  The Bible speaks repeatedly about sloth, especially in Proverbs.  God has called us to work.
    What discipline ought to counter this?  I think study and prayer.  Study should not just characterize our devotional life, but also our interactions, in that we are being intentional and earnest.  We ought to re-evaluate our calling as students in light of Scripture and seek to study how we are living and how that ought to change.
      Second, prayer is important.  If we are dedicated our lives to God and seeking God's will, I know that He will call us to be obedient.   Obedience is holiness, and as we fellowship, we can seek discernment upon how that is manifested.  The monks believed that work and prayer should compliment each other and guide their lives.  They were right.  The two must go together. 
   Corporately, confession would ideally be practiced in small groups or with accountability partners.  Corporately, study could be practiced in Bible Studies (suprise!)

6. What advice would you give to the next class of spiritual formation students at Kuyper College who will be practicing these disciplines? 


     1.  Prepare to be changed.  We never know what change will be like.  I simply advise you to have your heart open and sensitive to God, and to cover the experience with prayer, worship, and humility.  God is so holy, and you must prepare your heart to experience Him in new ways.  I advise you to start a habit of confession as you encounter the disciplines, for God may not fully work in your heart if you appease un-confessed sin or inner resentment.
    2. Put the time into it.  These disciplines will take work, some more than others.  Try to make a plan on how to practice them at the beginning of the week, and do your best to try and follow it.  If you fail, well at least you tried!  Read the chapters in Foster.  Highlight take notes, apply and apply.  This is practical Christian living, not just ideas.  Make it as real, as close, and as frightening as possible. 
   3.  Be patient.  Change comes slowly at time.  Expect God to be reorienting your desires and priorities, but don't be upset if you don't see immediate results.  The Word of God always has the right effect, but not always on our intended terms. Be patient with yourself in growing, be patient with others' growing (or seeming lack therof) and be patient with God.
     4. Put your heart into it.  I can't say what this class or these disciplines will do for you.  I can say that they are changing my life.  I am still processing what I have learned and how I will continue the disciplines.  Nevertheless, I am doing this with an open and sincere heart.  I want to serve God and glorify Him.
                      Take my life and let it be
                    consecrated, Lord, to Thee
   

For the Reader: Thank you for following my blog this semester.  It has been a wonderful journey I have learned much, and I pray you have gleaned a gem or two of truth.  This class is over, as is my obligation to maintain this blog.  However, I have enjoyed blogging, and perhaps I will continue.  I won't yet give a promise of how often, but suffice to say that you will see some posting popping up from time to time.  Feel free to check-in and comment!  I am interested to hear your reactions to these disciplines and my life (or why else would I share it with you?). 
Keep Christ at the center.
Blessings, 
Andrew Johnson

Submission in Real Life

An eerie light from a small window above lights stalls of a dark dragon stable.  Holding a spear, an armored man walks through the shadows towards a menacing beast.  He raises the spear.  The chained dragon begins flailing about as the man yells "SUBMIT!"  The dragon smacks the man, throwing him against the wall. The real rider of the dragon comes up to the dragon and calms it.  Not unlike Toothless, it submits to its master.  That is meekness.  Meekness is not weakness but power under control.  Submission is not only the calming and control of ourselves, but the absolute surrender to another.


  Foster discusses different acts of Submission that believers are expected to live out. The first is submission to the Triune God.  The second is submission to Scripture.  The third is submission to our family.  The fourth is submission to our neighbors and those with whom we often interact.  The fifth is submission to the body of Christ (believers).  The sixth is submission to the broken and despised.  The seventh is submission to the world. 
   I had no real plan in practicing discipline this week.  I sort of slacked-off on that.  I did get to seriously considering the chapter yesterday.  I did some reflection, reading of Scripture, and as I kept an eye out for it, found some surprising applications.
  The reflection questions in Foster's book challenged me by asking which of the acts of submission I struggled with the most.  I struggled most with submitting to the broken and to the world.  I am kind of afraid to reach out to mentally challenged, homeless, or poor people.  I also don't really care about my community and the world that much in that I am not very concerned about environmental issues or sociological problems.  I should pray more about how God can lead me to grow in these areas.  I did not do anything about that this week.  So there's that.
  A pastor usually has three points, but I have four-four ways in which this theme of submission cut strait to my heart.  First, I read I John sometime this week.  The last words are, "Little children, keep yourselves from idols" (I John 5:1).  This week (wow, I'm using the word 'week' often, how weak) I was kind of obsessed with a certain video game that was draining my time and focus on God like a mosquito drains your blood.  I was about to play the game again when I remembered this verse and mustered my will-power and did homework instead.  Granted their were relapses, which I effectively smothered last night, but I felt genuinely convicted by Scripture. 
  Second, one of my beloved suit mates presented a message at a worship night this past night.  The message was not on submission necessarily, but I was convicted by a fact that I was not giving God 100% of my life.  Besides video games, another hindrance and distraction in my life has been Facebook.  I made a long post, resigning Facebook at least for a time (Fasting-funny how those other disciplines pop up!). 
I wrote
   "What should be on my mind?  My duty: a responsibility as a child of God to obey him, and offer 100% of my being to God in worship, sacrifice, and devotion.  What is Facebook doing?  Hindering that.  I come on here to waste time or feel good.  Jesus didn't waste time in obeying the Father every moment of His life.  It didn't feel good. He lived worship.  I'm making my life worship right now by fasting from this blue page incessantly on my screen.  I was just convicted that giving Jesus 99% is just as selfish and sinful as giving him 0% or 1%.  He asks for 100%.  That is surrender." And this is submission.  In the surrender there is freedom, for you are in Christ.
   Thirdly, I took a test this morning with a class.  Socializing after the frustrating experience, we all agreed that we did terrible.  Everyone was upset.  Some considered it unjust.  I was upset that I had not studied more.  But despite the resentment, I recognized that this professor was in charge, and I had to submit to him.
   The fourth point I am hesitant to discuss, for it is in no way resolved, and I have strong emotions surrounding it.  I'm going to try to share it, because there is truth somewhere.  I received back a graded ten-page essay today.  I got a low grade, lower than I probably have ever received on any essay in any of my classes over my life.  I am very disappointed in the grade.  I am most disappointed in the fact that I consider most of the grading critiques, comments, and conclusions to be rubbish.  This is not fair.
      I went to a difficult grade school: probably more difficult than most.  I started learning Latin in third grade.  Once I got to middle school and above, I did not always get A's.  I got lots of things wrong, and was challenged constantly to work harder.  Nevertheless, I was content in receiving justice for my grades, and even at times grace (i.e. canceling or postponing of assignments).  Sometime I did "right," sometimes I did "wrong," but I always trusted my authorities, because I was always told "why."
    Oh, great I just thought of Job, maybe that's who I'm being like.  God doesn't answer "why" to Job.  One of my professors discussed the story of Job and said that the lesson Job learned was that "It's not who you are, but whose you are." 
    My identity is not in any paper.  I could fail and butcher every academic assignment for the rest of life, and never lose my standing with God.  He is my standard of justice and accomplishment.  My attitude needs correction, for I don't work to please myself or even my teachers.
    "Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality" (Colossians 3:22-25 ESV). 
   I don't know how this frustrating paper and circumstances will be resolved, but I do know that God has appointed this teacher, and my responsibility is to submit to her, and that means agreeing to do work and receive grades from her.  Do I have cause for arguing my case?  Is that in-contentment  or a desire for justice and truth?  How far should I go to look for it justice?  Is this submission? 
    I did some running today and came to a spot in the woods.  I fell to my knees and prayed to God.  Reflecting, I thought that we as humans are so foolish to spend so much time standing on our feet.  Do we really think that we are really that much taller?  I think about when Isaiah says
     It is he who sits above the circle of the earth,
        and its inhabitants are like grasshoppers;
    who stretches out the heavens like a curtain,
        and spreads them like a tent to dwell in;
(Isaiah 40:22 ESV)
   God is so great and we are so small.
   Can't we fall to our knees just to say that is where we are meant to be-surrendered to His will and helpless apart from Him?
 As we prepare our hearts to celebrate Christmas, we celebrate the greatest submission ever: God taking  the form of man.  God coming to earth in the form of Jesus Christ.  Jesus submitted to the Father with every breath.   
                         Take my breaths, Father God, for even they are from you. 

Solitude

"Lonliness is inner emptiness.  Solitude is inner fulfillment" says Foster.  He discusses the discipline of Solitude, and how silence can be used to glorify God.  Another of his quotes that stood out to me was "Though silence sometimes involves the absence of speech, it always invloves the act of listening."  I was moved by the discussion of how we need solitude.  Even Jesus (who was extremely popular and important) took times to be 'alone' (from people) and to be with God.  I am not sure if I am an introvert or extrovert, but while I love spending time with people, I do need time to be alone, and savor the solitude of being alone. 
  Sometimes it is difficult for me to determine how to best practice a discpline.  However, this time one of Foster's ideas caught my mind like a steal in a Black Friday catalog.  This was the practice of a whole day of silence.  I thought about it and then determined to do it on the seventeenth of November, a Saturday when I had only homework planned.  Two other ideas came to me.  One was to spend a half-hour doing a silent prayer walk.  The last was being intentional about my small amounts of time throughout the day that were wasted.
  Here goes.  From sunrise to sunset, I sealed my lips.  I went about the day doing my various daily tasks (including homework) in silence.  I did slip-up a few times, and accidentally spoke when people came up to talk to me, but I also had an index card that explained my practice to curious people. 
  How did it go?  Once again the strong notion percieved in previous disciplines siezed me, in that just because I am doing this special exercise, it does not mean that I won't have problems.  I found myself struggling with sin, and the fact that I was seemingly "trapped" in the limitations of my discipline made me feel helpless.  I was helpless to talk with others and helpless to cry out to God.
   Second, I realized how much I live and breathe music.  So many times I felt like singing, but caught myself.  I tried to supplement my urge by listening to music, but it wasn't the same, as I could not sing along.
   Finally, I also found a certain kind of joy in the practice.  While being speechless felt like a limitation, it also felt like a strength.  I avoided wasting words.  I realized how few words one needs to function.  It is really restful to just listen to others and not yourself.
   How well did I listen to God?  I did not spend as much time focusing on God as I should have.  I feel like I focused more on my schoolwork as a goal, and silence as being an aid to completing that.  But as Foster said, it is about listening, not just silence...
    I found more silence on my prayer walk a week later.  Here I walked into the cold day in a quiet neighborhood in New York.  I walked up Sunset Drive as the sun was setting, and beheld gorgeous yellow light descending from behind dark clouds onto the grey hills in the distance.  It seemed like the light from an illustrated Bible.  I then reflected on Matthew 5:16, and how much we focus on the light that we have to shine on the dark, cold work.  But then I reflected on John 1, and how the light that has shone into the darkness is indeed God, and the light that we have is not of us but of God (Jesus).  When I feel like I am "running out," my light is not, I merely need to turn to Christ, and find sustenance from Him.  He is our light. I also shared with God some prayer requests I had, and found hope, if not answers.
   As far as the idea of being intentional about my little bits of time in between my tasks, I didn't really observe that.  I think that I work better with big picture goals.
  So, where is the big picture?  I am working on seeing it.  My day of silence was one of frustration, depression, but a little joy.  My prayer walk was necessary for me, but I didn't get the answers to prayer that I wanted.  I failed to practice the last idea.  I can't say that I have changed.
  Maybe I am not full, but I am thirsty.  I am longing to resist sin and offer God my days.  I want to fast from words, as I did on that Saturday.  I am longing to find solitude in God in the moments of chaos in my life.  I am longing to find fulfillment in Him.  I don't feel full, and I am thirsty.

Simplicity

You think that it would simple to practice the discipline of simplicity.  Simplicity is the practice of putting the values of our possessions into proportion with them as being gifts from God.  As Foster says,"Simplicity is the only thing that sufficiently reorients our lives o that possessions can be genuinely enjoyed with out destroying us.  Without simplicity we will either capitulate to the 'mammon' spirit of this present evil age, or we will fall into the un-Christian legalistic asceticism.  Both lead to idolatry.  Both are spiritually lethal."  What we are presented with from God is this balance that has a humble yet confident knowledge of how to receive and share God's good gifts. Foster's understanding of simplicity strongly leans on the Scriptural passage, "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." (Matthew 6:33 ESV)
   I honestly failed to buckle down and practice this discipline throughout the week.  Perhaps my life was not simple enough to allow time.  I don't have any profound reactions of my experiences, just some reflections of how my life has been from questions prompted by Foster.  So, here it goes.
    Can I allow an unfavorable comment about myself to stand, without any need to straighten out the matter?
   Even when joking with my friends, I feel like I have to justify myself.  Whether or not a jesting or serious comment is true, there is something about my pride that has to stutter and and argue to just try to make me not look so stupid.  Simplicity?
    Do I aim at excellence in my work without regard for what people may say or think?
      I am challenged by the words of Collosians, "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men," (Colossians 3:23 ESV).  It feels like a difficult balance maintain as I try to work hard and well, but not be upset when my performance is not at the level that I intend.  It feels like my excellence is either about me making myself happy or just trying to make my teacher happy.Simplicity?
  Foster highlighted ten controlling principles to simplicity.  I feel like I have a decent balanced practice of all of them, except for the last one, seeking God's kingdom first.  Some days I just don't make time for devotions, and very little time for prayer.  I can go about important aspects of my day without coming to my God first in prayer and worship. 
     I may live simply, but I want to live intentionally.  God may have given me a meek spirit that doesn't want to hoard possessions or be covetous or greedy, but I want I want more.  I don't want to just be a Christian who is known for what he has not done, but known (at least by God) for what I do do. 

Study

This week I practiced the spiritual discipline of study.  I was excited about encountering this discipline.  I myself love to study Scripture.  I learned of four formal steps to study: repetition, concentration, comprehension and reflection.  The fifth element of study is not a particular task, but rather a particular mindset, and that is, humility.  I felt most convicted by the task of concentration.  I love thinking deeply about scripture, but perhaps my greatest downfall is simply staying focused long enough to be productive.  Foster delved into some fascinating discussion on taking the principle of study and into our relationships.  I was challenged to observe, not judgmentally, but pedagogically my relationships, and my motives for my interactions with others.
  Finally, Foster addressed the fact of how we are influenced by the mediums of culture that we absorb and inadvertantly "study."  I love his words of a firm wake-up call.
  "Now when I speak of mind pollution I am not thinking only of 'bad' books, films and so on, but of mediocre books and films.  You see unless we set before ourselves a 'habitual vision of greatness' we will surely degenerate."
  I agree with Foster that our culture has set low standards in regard to literature, entertainment, and the other mediums that we study in our lives. I feel like often Christians are not holding themselves to a high enough standard in their consumerism.  We should seek the best things, not just mediocre things.

My plan in practicing the discipline was to answer the study questions at the end of the chapter on study to better understand what study means.  I also reread the text and the workbook, gaining an analytical understanding of this analytical discipline.  I also planned to "study" a portion of my life, that being my relationships.
It took me awhile (like 6 days) to finally dig into a passage and study it.  With the suggestion of my teacher, I read 1 Cor. 13.  I read it again.  And again.  I have already read this passage many times in my life, and I just read it, hoping to find something new.  I finally focused on verse seventeen.     "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (1 Corinthians 13:7 ESV)   
   Here is a bullet-list of my observations:

• Why does love sound like a person?  Can an idea 'bear' something?
• Is it a word used for God?
• Love is not another spiritual gift, but a quality that EVERYONE needs
• The body of Christ needs different 'body parts' 
• perhaps blood is to the body as love is to the church

• The Corinthian Church was facing several problems which Paul addressed

• discussions over Christian preachers
• Issues of Sexual immorality
• marriage, widows, food sacrificed to idols
• worship issues
• spiritual gifts

I scanned the book of Corinthians for the word "love" in places other than chapter 13.  I found only one reference to love before chapter 13, I Cor. 8:2-3,
       Now concerning food offered to idols: we know that “all of us possess knowledge.” This “knowledge” puffs up, but love builds up. If anyone imagines that he knows something, he does not yet know as he ought to know. But if anyone loves God, he is known by God.
   (1 Corinthians 8:1-3 ESV)
 This verse shows knowledge in comparison to love, something our 'love passage' will do.  Right after the 'love passage,' love is mentioned in I Cor. 14:1, "Pursue love, and earnestly desire the spiritual gifts, especially that you may prophesy." (1 Corinthians 14:1 ESV)
This merely reaffirms the previous section on how love was greater than the other spiritual gifts.  Finally, love is mentioned again at the end of the book, "If anyone has no love for the Lord, let him be accursed. Our Lord, come!" (1 Corinthians 16:22 ESV)
  This text helps us understand that our identity is in our love for one another.  It is the answer to our dissensions in the church-loving each other.  I feel like in a lot of my relationships I have sought to love myself, and not put others first.  For me, having love isn't the problem; the problem is how my love is oriented toward myself and not others.
   Study brings valuable insight to one's life.